For you Tyler … ♥

Hot on the heels of my Mothers Day post – I have another tribute..

 

to my son Tyler..

 

YES – I have a SON..

 

I don’t write or speak of him often enough. He would have been 15 today.

 

My son Tyler was born sleeping, stillborn, not breathing 15 years ago today..

 

15 years later and this day is still incredibly emotional and leaves me with a heavy heart. I have a SON and even though he does not exist in this world – I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and I am proud to be his mother even if I can’t brag about him and show him off to the world.

 

We refer to his birthday as “Tyler Day” and have always tried to make this day as special as possible for our living children – Ally & Eden – One to look forward to instead of dreading.. Granted, it was much easier when they were younger and we could take them out of school for the day and spoil them rotten. Today I sit here alone with a quiet house and too much time to think about the impact he has had on my life.

 

If it were not for Tyler, there could very well not be an Ally or an Eden and for that I am grateful every single day. If it were not for Tyler, I might not have the strong marriage that I have today. We know that we can get through anything and that the hard times will not tear us apart, but instead bring us closer together. In a weird way I am also glad we have girls because I will never truly know what I am missing not having a son to watch grow.. Every so often I see a boy who reminds me of what I think Tyler would have looked like and I feel that tug on my heart. He will be with me always…

 

We all have defining moments in our lives that have shaped us as people

– the day Tyler was born changed my life and my person forever. 

 

The day Ally was born changed my life forever as I could finally be the real mother that I longed to be.

 

The day Eden was born changed my life forever as did the day she was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

 

These moments have made me so much stronger than I ever thought I  could possibly be and maybe even a better mother because my girls lives are just that more special after the loss of Tyler.

 

When I write often about the fear that Type 1 Diabetes imposes on our lives.. that fear is REAL ..

 

I already know what it feels like to lose a child – and T1D has me living on edge every single day with the fear that another of my children could be taken from me..  Yes – the what-if are everywhere.. We could be hit by a bus tomorrow.. But the reality is we are walking the tightrope of life every day with Eden and you just never know when it might break or we may fall off..

 

It shouldn’t take Tyler Day for me to tell my children how much I love them and how incredibly happy and lucky I am to have them in my life, but today makes us reflect on just exactly how lucky we are and how quickly it can be snatched away from us.

 

I will take the burden of being a D-Mom and living daily with a chronic illness – I might not like it – but I certainly do not want the alternative.

 

In honor of Tyler please hug your kids a little tighter today… ♥♥♥

 

tyler

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