I will never give up… 

 

So much with managing Type 1 Diabetes has to do with confidence…

Confidence, bravery, strength, resilience and determination.

 

image found on Pinterest

image found on Pinterest

 

You need to be confident with every single decision you make – because quite literally – when dealing with T1D – a mistake can have life threatening consequences.

 

I feel like I have lost a bit of that confidence… T1D has beat me down this week.

D is making NO SENSE.. not that it ever really does..

But this week has been a roller coaster.

 

Perfect one day and then all hell broke loose.

No rhyme. No reason.

 

A combination of things are just wearing me down

  • It’s the fact that my efforts at educating the public feels like it is falling on deaf ears
  • It’s the fact that we are seeing and learning so many new things about Eden’s body
  • It’s the fact that learning those things is adding stress to FIX them
  • It’s the fact that Eden’s blood sugars have been wild and erratic and make NO SENSE
  • It’s the fact that I’m trying my darndest to FIX them and I can’t
  • It’s the fact that every now and then I have moments where I just want it to all GO AWAY but know that it won’t and that it will be in our lives FOREVER

 

I sat and watched Eden prepare her school lunch this morning..

something that she has been mostly doing herself for quite some time now.

I sat there and watched her get out the scale and weigh the food that she was planning on eating

I sat there and watched her check carb counts but not write them down

I sat there wondering if she was just going to “wing it” today or really care

I sat there wanting to nag her, remind her, bug her… but didn’t 

 

Not only do I need the confidence, bravery, strength, resilience and determination to get through the day.

EDEN does..

 

The thing is – she seems to HAVE these things – she gets up and fights another day without letting anything hold her back.

She has a confidence about her that is inspiring… she just gets on with it and moves forward.

  • Eden doesn’t yet worry about her future
  • She doesn’t let the “numbers” from her day affect her
  • She doesn’t let T1D stress her out

 

I DO… I can’t help it.. 

It’s the mother – protector instinct within me. 

It is strong, powerful and impossible to shake.

 

I get up and look BACK – I think about all of the blips in the road from days prior or the sleepless night I just had and think how I can FIX them. How I can make things BETTER. How I can limit her body from experiencing long term complications. How I can tweak insulin settings, adjust timing, help her body function the best it possibly can.

 

Yes – I look back – but SO I can look forward.

 

I want the absolute best for my daughter. I want her healthy and to have a bright future.

Every day seems to pose a new challenge –

a new issue that wasn’t there yesterday.

It is exhausting and so frustrating –

trying to FIX something that really can’t be FIXED..

 

 

I am doing the best I can trying to wrangle a disease that just does not want wrangling.

I need to try to not beat myself up.

I may have lost some confidence this week..

But the fact is – I will never give up..

I am determined.. Nothing is Impossible.

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2 thoughts on “I will never give up… 

  1. I don’t know whether you ever listen to the DSMA ‘Rents podcasts. This past Monday the show was about T1 teenagers and their parents (and because puberty is happening at increasingly early ages, somewhat younger kids were included in the discussion.) The hosts Bennet and Lorraine interviewed Natalie Bellini, BSN, RN, CDE and Jim Vail–both who are involved with the teen curriculum at Children with Diabetes conferences.

    http://www.blogtalkradio.com/diabetessocmed/2014/11/18/dsmalive-rents-successful-teens-natalie-and-jim-from-cwd (I download the podcasts from iTunes, but you can also listen online.)

    Maybe you’ll find some words of encouragement. Although I’ve had Type 1 for 38 years, I have no great advice for you. I was not diagnosed until my early 20’s and have always given thanks for having escaped living with Type 1 during the teen years.

    Your daughter sounds like a delightful young women. She will be fine and so will you. You just may get some gray hairs faster than you would have otherwise….

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