let me preface this post by saying…
this is not a poor me sob story… just telling it like it is.
this is the life we live dealing with this disease. it is meant to educate the public on the Type 1 Diabetes life.
this is what people don’t see or understand.
maybe if more people see it – they will realize just why we so desperately need and want a cure. yesterday.
Eden had another one of those WTH is going on kind of nights…
no rhyme. no reason.
I was feeling pure frustration, exhaustion, exasperation and downright anger…
towards Type 1 Diabetes and quite honestly Eden – because in the moment she was stopping me from being able to help her..
it didn’t make sense, I was tired and just wanted the madness to STOP.
Definately not one of my finest hours.
As bedtime approached Eden’s blood sugar started slowly creeping further and further downward – we treated with fruit pieces and I watched and waited as she went to her bedroom and I went to mine… For some reason I was beyond tired last night and could barely keep my eyes open..
fruit pieces basically did nothing and her blood sugar continued dropping.
next stop. juice.
At this point in time it was around 10pm and Eden was still awake in her room. I was already frustrated because I wanted to sleep and Type 1 Diabetes was just NOT cooperating.. She requested a specific flavor and drank it without issue and I went back to my bedroom..
I lay in bed, on my phone trying to keep occupied and stay awake as I watched and waited for her blood sugars to rise – at the time not realizing that I was dozing off. Last thing I remember is seeing the number 100 ⬆︎ at 10.30pm and thinking it was “safe” to go to sleep.. my alarm was already set to check on her at midnight so I rolled over and went to sleep…
Next thing I know I hear my phone alert – I had gotten a text message…
instant reaction – seriously??
what time is it???
11.21pm – check my phone and then check my wrist…
Eden’s blood sugar was showing 54 …
my wrist had been vibrating with alerts and I had SLEPT THROUGH THEM…
jump out of bed – stumble to her room and sure enough finger prick of 47…
that is LOW – DANGEROUSLY LOW … and that is after treating TWICE….
even MORE dangerously low and scary, because my alarm was not going to be going off for another 40 minutes to check on her ?!?!
What the heck is going on? it makes zero sense.
wake Eden, make her have glucose gel… she HATES glucose gel.. says it tastes nasty, but it usually works very well..
she keeps taking a little mouthful and handing it back to me…
I can feel my frustration building as I keep handing it back to her and telling her to have the entire thing.
3 or 4 times going back and forth and I officially lose my temper and she finishes it..
back to my room I go – answer my text message and watch and wait and wait and wait.
At around midnight it looks like her blood sugars are finally rising – but they start to drop again 10 minutes later.
BACK to her room – test her again – yup, still low – and try to get her to drink another juice…
Eden wants absolutely NOTHING to do with it… she wants to sleep – and can you BLAME HER?
I have to stand there encouraging her to drink as she lays there and holds it without putting it to her lips.
We can usually do this in the dark, but I have to turn on the light to try and wake her completely because she is not cooperating.
- She is MAD and kicking her legs at me
- She is LOW and not thinking clearly
- She wants to sleep
- She wants me to go away and she does NOT want to drink the juice.
Do you realize how hard it is to maintain your composure at that point in time???
She needed that darn juice to keep her alive … and I started to lose it..
tears streamed down my face and as she raised her voice, so did I – basically telling her in no uncertain terms, that I was trying to keep her alive and to DRINK THE JUICE…
she did eventually drink the juice – but it seemed like an eternity and by then we were both very angry with each other.
I completely turned OFF basal insulin delivery for a couple of hours and again – went back to bed and watched and waited..
3am check and she was FINALLY in a range where I felt completely safe to sleep – 3 mores hours until it was time to get up at 6am and start the madness all over again.
now that last night is behind us, she is safe, I have had coffee and I am thinking clearly about it – it makes me incredibly SAD that I was losing my temper with her.. darn it D – you got the better of me last night and I am not proud of myself..
the only saving grace is the fact that Eden rarely remembers middle of the night low blood sugar episodes so hopefully she has no recollection of what happened… it still makes me feel like utter crap and pisses me off beyond words that we have to deal with this..
we do it. we get up and we do it again.
but in those midnight hours – when you are completely exhausted – this disease REALLY SUCKS
I also could not be more grateful to my friend for sending me that text message last night… with the ridiculously stubborn low blood sugars Eden was having, she quite honestly could have saved her life…
sad and angry today – but very thankful for another one….